I don't think this post needs any sort of introduction, the title sums it up perfectly. So, lets get straight into it, and kick off with:
1) "Percy, don't eat the phone/laptop/shoe/cat"
Yes. That is right. Persephone has been caught trying to put all of these things in her mouth. (The cats deserve a medal for how laid back they are, really). She seems to instantly know what she isn't supposed to touch, and then speed crawls (I say "crawl"- I mean "drags-herself-along-the-floor-a-bit-like-she's-swimming") over to it, before embracing it in her tiny, slobbery, gummy jaws. I'm already reminiscing back to pre-moving times. They were lovely.
2) "Mummy is just going to..."
Before I had Percy, when I heard people referring to themselves as "mummy" and "daddy" to their children, I thought they were mental. Like really odd. You're referring to yourself in the third person. It's the equivalent of me saying "Harriet is just going to have a coffee now"- nobody does that. It's weird. But somehow, slowly, it would appear that I have been infected with the third person speech virus. And so, at our house, there is a lot of:
"Mummy is just going to get your milk now, Persephone"
"Mummy is just feeding the cats"
"Mummy is just shouting at the Student Finance man on the phone"
"Mummy is just trying to write a serious e-mail Percy, could you please stop typing things?"
Worst of all, I don't just say it to Percy. I've started saying it to the cats (like, when I'm getting their food and stuff. I don't have deep, insightful conversations with my cats. I'm not that crazy).
3) "I need a man..."
Ok, so when I say "man", I don't actually mean "man", I mean somebody who has decent upper body strength, is tall, knows stuff about electricity and plumbing, and owns a set of ladders.
I don't like to acknowledge my limitations. That is mainly because I do truly believe that I can do everything...
But sometimes, the bin is really heavy...and I'm too weak to push it up to the road;
And sometimes, I have to pull the washing machine out to get to the funny water tap because it's been turned off...and then I can't put it back in because it's too heavy;
And sometimes, I go to put a light bulb in and the thing sparks at me...and I haven't got a clue why;
And sometimes I'm too short for painting, and I don't have ladders, so I have to stand on a chair and nearly fall off...
These are the times that I need a tall, strong person with sufficient knowledge of sparking light fittings.
4) "...But I love that it's just the two of us"
I can honestly say that I never thought I would be thankful that I am a single parent. But I am. I LOVE being a single parent. I have Percy all to myself. I get to choose what we do, how we do it, when we do it... I get to raise her exactly how I want to. And we're a team. She's my partner in crime. There's a lot to be said for the nuclear family and all, but I think being in a one-parent family has it's benefits aswell. When Percy is with me, I am with her. Completely. Totally. She has my undivided attention. (And hopefully she'll grow up to be a 7 foot tall body builder so she can do all the heavy strong jobs).
5) Everything. In a ridiculous baby voice.
You all know the voice that I mean. The stupid voice that people use to talk to babies. It's like an inbuilt reflex- you can't fight it. I talk to Percy in a stupid baby voice all the time. And I sound completely ridiculous. Why do I do it? I have no idea. I imagine that one day I'll start speaking to her normally and she'll be astounded that I can actually sound like an adult.
6) "Hello, I'm Harriet and I have a baby. I have a baby. Did I mention I have a baby?"
To everyone I meet. Every. Single. Person. I go to job interviews and before I go in, I'll be mentally preparing myself- "Don't mention Percy. Don't say you have a baby. DO NOT mention babies." It doesn't work.
"So, why would you like to work here?"
"Well, I think your company is absolutely amazing, and so fantastic and I HAVE A BABY, LET ME SHOW YOU MY BABY, LOOK, HERE, AT THIS PICTURE!!!! Can you see how cute she is?!"
7) "I should have done this years ago"
You always hear people saying that they want to "live first before they settle down and have children". This is rubbish, Utter rubbish. My life began with Percy. I would never ever ever want to go back to "before". She is wonderful. And everyone who says that they aren't baby people? I wasn't a baby person. And I was so wrong. I can't believe how wrong I was. Just look at this baby. Just LOOK AT HER. She is perfect: